Thursday, July 16, 2009

Arguments for and against Harry being gay


  • He was my mate for six years

  • He told me he was

  • He raised a fucking egg with me

  • We live in goddamn San Francisco

  • We have fornicated... like two drunk penguins in the night

  • Linda is a hideous looking bitch


  • One time (when he was going through puberty) in a dream he had he had sex with a girl penguin but that girl turned into me in the middle of fornication

  • If you can't tell from the above: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I'll be waiting Harry. Dump that beard. I'm still here. And I forgive you for fighting with me.

Linda is a homophobic slut

Look at her and Harry:

If I were her I'd be afraid of gays too... just one gay. Me. I'd be Pepper-phobic. Cause if she gets near me I'm going to hit her with my beak and beat her with my flippers. She'll wish her dad never kept her egg underneath his fat.

She has a history of doing this, stealing some penguins man. Look at what the San Francisco examiner had to say about this raging whore:

“That was the fastest we’d ever seen penguins move on. To be completely anthropomorphizing, Linda seems conniving. She’s got her plan. I don’t think she was wanting to be a single girl for too long.”

MMMmmmm. Interesting. Could it be that Linda was getting over her dead ex so fast because she KILLED HIM?! MMMMMMM???!!!

I'm going to hit her if she comes near me. She's probably threatening Harry with his life so that he'll stay with her. What a bitch.

Penguin bisexuality doesn't exist

I know. I know. You're all thinking to yourself "Pepper, why are you being such a bitch about this? I know lots of bisexuals." Well, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. You name me one legitimately bisexual penguin. No really, do it! You can't, because penguin bisexuality doesn't exist.

I know this is controversial, several penguins say to me that I'm just not open minded... well I am open minded, but I'm just labeling it like it is. Any penguin who claims he is bisexual is just trying to prove something to themself. You know? They're just trying to make it okay for themself. Like saying... "I like boy penguins... BUT I ALSO LIKE GIRL PENGUINS! I'm just... you know... bi." Bull shit.

Also, in this particular case (I'm talking about Harry right now), Harry is not bi at all. He is just confused right now. He had this really rough childhood, you know? and his parents were NOT okay with his lifestyle, so he likes to console himself in the fact that he is BI. Bullshit! I mean he had a girlfriend before I came along, but once he met me that was the end of that. Either you're gay or your straight! Deal with it, Harry!

Penguin bisexuality just doesn't exist... harry is doing this to me to prove a point. Fuck Harry.

CNN reports that Harry the Penguin is a dick

Look at this! Six years down the drain and this is how he repays me!

I know Harry... I've known him for six years. That penguin is GAY, and I'm proud to say it. The truth comes out Harry!

No one fucks with Pepper like this.